"The five colors blind our eyes. The five tones deafen our ears. The five flavors confuse our taste. Racing and hunting madden our minds. Possessing rare treasures brings about harmful behavior. Therefore the sage acts from his gut, and not from his eyes. He lets go of that and chooses this." -Dao De Jing, 12 Preparing for the Tournament Sunday means the end of my long Thanksgiving weekend. It is also the final week of preparation for my Sanda Fight in Arizona. That will be my main focus, just sharpening my skills before the fight. Planning my Actions What I've Done Today Today I've been focused on my goals. I've been able to run a few miles and take a walk with my dad through the trail near our home. I also stretched and followed Shi Yan Lei's 600 Kick Workout, which has been my Sanda training over the holiday weekend. At the end of my workout I worked on my neck by using some exercises from this Sanda video. I finished off my evening with some ATG exercises to, "put money in the bank" towards strengthening my knees. Plans for the New Week This week's focus is Sanda training. I'd like to go to class each day from Monday till Thursday. Try not to work so long but if I do work long, make sure I have my workout gear in my car so that I can go from work to training. Plans for December As November comes to a close, thoughts about what I want to accomplish in December begin to creep in. I've started my new side split training program from FitnessFAQs and already have gifts bought for my friends and family. Usually in the winter I focus on getting large amounts of overtime in. This winter I'd like to do something else. Reflecting on Last Week As the new week begins, I realize that the first half of last week went by in a blur. I'm not sure what my time was spent doing. The only thing I remember is I worked late every day and came home very tired. That isn't very mindful of me. Since I have an actual goal for this week, hopefully I can develop more focus and mindfulness. As for the second half of this week, I've worked out each day with Shi Yan Lei's videos and have gone on a couple runs in order to keep my weight down for the fight. What I hope to accomplish through my training now is to improve my split ability, neck and shoulder strength as well as strengthening my knees. 📿Johnny

"Staying negative is easy, staying positive is difficult." -Shi Yan Lei Fear This quote was in my mind all day yesterday. This whole trip I've wanted to just crawl back into my bed and sleep the week away. Why? Fear. I'm afraid to practice with new people and I'm definitely afraid to spar/roll with these people. Every white belt I've come across has absolutely destroyed me and some of these people have gotten their blue belt after one year. I understand why. They've gone to class everyday and trained. They're training only BJJ and are focused. I always find excuses not to train, not to spar, not to go to class. I need to quit finding excuses. My Motivation My motivation for training is me knowing that I don't want to work in the factory forever, I'm just afraid of "putting all of my eggs in one basket". Going fully into just doing martial arts and personal training. If I want to do it, then I need to invest 100% of my time, money and energy into it. Kung Fu still motivates me. Out of all the places I've traveled to this year, Shaolin Temple Europe has been my favorite. It helped me prepare physically and mentally for my first fight, and I was happier at the end of it. The forms, the challenge of the movements, and Kung Fu being you vs yourself are really things I like. "Nobody else's jiujitsu matters, we're all on our own jiujitsu journey. It doesn't matter if it takes you five or twenty years to get a black belt. It doesn't matter if you get a black belt. What's important is what jiujitsu is to you." -Charles Harriot, BJJ Globetrotters Night Time Thoughts This camp has been challenging. This week I have been living off of bread, water, eggs, yogurt, milk, peanut butter, and rice. Most classes that I have enjoyed here have been focusing on the fundamentals. I've even gone to a couple of the lectures to learn from higher level BJJ practitioners about things like competition and improving your own skills. During one of the lectures, I realized that I don't have to learn all of the moves in the world. I just need to get good at a few skills. This can apply to my Kung Fu as well. As much as I'd like to learn both Shaolin and Mei Hua Quan, maybe I just need to focus on what I learned at Maling. Keep training my forms and the drills that I know until I improve. This camp is teaching me a lot. My fear. My worries. And I'm my own obstacle. The Point All of this is just apart of my journey to becoming a "warrior monk". It will be a long one. If I stick to it, it will be a fulfilling life. I am thankful for the opportunities that I have and for all of the challenges I face. 📿Johnny

"I am thankful for all of the opportunities that I have been given." -21 Day Personal Journey Pu'Er Tea to Calm the Mind and Heal the Metal Writing a blog really is thankless work. Most don't even read blogs anymore, let alone read every sentence written. In the years that I've spent developing my own format for articles, it has become my place to unwind. The professionals will say to write for an audience or to tailor your writing to potential customers. Forget all of that; that isn't why I write. My fingers tap away at what ever cheap laptop I currently own just to help me realize that my problems are as small as gnats flying in the air. Small, insignificant, and easily done away with. Yet, still annoying if you let them be. Jesus said do not kill and Buddha said to not harm any living being. The best way to get away from the gnats is to move yourself. In this case, moving myself would be changing my mindset about this current situation. What situation am I referring to? This year of the Tiger. It has been a pretty reckless and almost selfish year for me. A trip to Germany followed by a tournament in Maryland. Then some weeks go by before I go to California and a BJJ seminar in good ol' Minnesota. Now, as the year gets colder I'm planning on going to Arizona... twice. For a camp and a tournament that I'm not prepared for. Sprinkle in a few visits to my sister's and a couple of injuries within all of that. Yet for some reason, as I lay my head down in bed and the darkness of the night sets in. My mind is... not satisfied. I wake up not satisfied and I go to bed not satisfied with my actions, situation, decisions. It drives me crazy. This feeling has led me to quit my job (in February) and pursue the thing that I actually want to pursue. Kung Fu. The Journey to Good Kung Fu Kung Fu. When I think of Kung Fu it no longer is just the martial art that you see on TV, stages, and movies. It really is something "magical" to me. When I came back from China, I continued my Kung Fu training pretty intensly. Training 3 hours a day while working a third shift job. Eventually, I joined the MMA gym that I currently train at and they were surprised with how "fit" I was. I honestly believe if Maling had a better diet and that we sparred more, our "Kung Fu" would have been more complete. The combination of meditation, "slow training" (stretching, tai ji, qi gong), and fast training (power training, Sanda, forms, weapons) made my body into something pretty... cool. For lack of a better term. Which brings me to my picture above. I want this feeling of being calm amongst the clouds again. The reason I run while sick. The reason I lift weights late in the night. The reason I compete even though I'm nervous each time. The reason why I stretch, kick, and spar through pain. Is because I think through all of these challenges, I can find my "Kung Fu". For me, Kung Fu is a way you carry yourself. It is something you discover within you. Throughout this year, I've seen glimpses that I still have it under all of the doubts, worries, fears, and pressure of the "real world". That's all.

Relaxing Weekend As I ran today, I recalled a blog post that I had written before. In it I talked about a review I had read for Maling Shaolin Kung Fu School. It said, "Going to the Kung Fu School is a lot like college, you learn so much and challenge yourself while you're there but after you're left with the question of, 'What do I do with it?'". The cool fall breeze blew back at me as I continued to run with this thought in my head. My Fei Yue's slapped into the concrete of the side walk and suddenly an answer came to me, Kung Fu is now my compass. On this long two year journey in Minnesota, I've lost focus quite a bit. I studied this, then went to practice a little bit of that. Then I'd get frustrated and go try something else. In my mind, going somewhere and training Kung Fu was always the goal. It's just that my actions and thoughts did not align. This year is quickly coming to an end. I embarrassingly reflect on all that I've done this year. Sure, I've done a lot but there is no rhyme or reason to my actions. I've done a lot of nothing. Just doing stuff to stay busy. Yet, I keep saying I want to do kung fu. To be a "master". What ever that means. I just feel like garbage most of the time. Goals, Focus, Consistency Even with feeling like garbage, I still have goals. The splits, to be strong, to learn a lot. I think now my greatest goal is just to be happy with what I'm doing. Even if it is simply practicing forms all by myself. So, I have my goals. Now I need to develop the focus to work on them and then do it every day to get consistent. Build a structure in my life, and follow it. That sounds nice. Hope you all are having a happy Halloween.

Positive Note Fall is here. With the usual weekend talks that I have with my family, I am reflecting a lot on what I want to do. This crazy plan and dream is what drove me to start the blog in the first place. These past two years have flown by so quickly. I feel as though I missed a whole year of my life due to working third shift at the factory last year. This feeling combined with some decisions I made at the start of this year led me to travel a lot more. Germany, Maryland, California, Wisconsin and soon Arizona. Challenging myself is always forefront in my brain. Whether it is working for some impossible goal, diving into a new sport, or just pushing what I think is possible for myself. In this process of trying new things, exploring new languages, and traveling; I've lost my focus. All of these things have made me realize what I truly enjoy doing. Kung Fu. Through experience I now understand more about what Kung Fu is and isn't. As I understand this, I still want to pursue it. Focus... on the Plan Life has given me a few options to pursue. Although I'll know more clearly what path I'm going to take in the next coming months there is one thing that is for certain. My time at this QA job is ending. This job isn't bad. The pay is good. Hours are good. The management has been very flexible with me as well. It was hard work getting to this easy QA job. I'm done... for now. My next focus point is the BJJ camp in November followed by a fight in December. The plan is to pursue this dream anyway I can. Let this year end and see what happens. There are many opportunities out there that I want to pursue. Places to see. Experiences to see. Knowledge to learn. I guess you could call this drive, but this feeling never lets me be content with where I am or what I'm doing. I don't know what to do about it. “At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished… It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.” The Mindset When I decided to take action instead of just idly waiting, it felt like a load was taken off of my shoulders. My job became more bearable, I went to class more, and spent more time with family. A simple change in my mindset let me enjoy my life more. Sometimes, I wonder if forgetting this whole plan wouldn't make life a lot more easier. If I just changed my perspective of the now, I'd be a lot happier. A lot more content with the way things were. Yet I struggle with that idea as I don't think content is happy. It feels too much like giving up, like settling. Here I thought writing my thoughts out would make things clearer.

“I went to sleep and I woke up dead But I changed my mind and I want to live ... You made it outta bed, task one, crossed off Step 2, show them that you ain't gone be a rag doll Stand up, backbone, strong enough to break falls” -e-dubble, "Changed My Mind" Year of the Tiger🐅 A year that is supposed to be my year. Yet, I feel I've struggled so much during these months. My chance to fight under the ATT Savage gym is gone. My kung fu forms are fading away due to me not practicing. My motivation to pursue martial arts is really dwindling. There are many reasons for that. Injuries, training troubles, some self realizations, ego, and more. If I wrote daily, like my website says, then I could probably reflect back on my thoughts more clearly. Even at the cool camps that I've been going to, the thought of quitting or giving up is very prevalent. And as these thoughts sneak into my brain, another thought rises up. I'm not Shaolin. The thing that motivates me the most was how close I was to starting the journey of becoming a warrior monk. Leaving Maling, I shaved my head as a sign to keep going on this path. To remember what I was taught, and all that I learned. Coming to Minnesota, I was sharp. I kept training, did some tournaments, joined a gym and was noticed immediately. Work and training didn't agree for the longest time but I kept competing, kept training, kept saving money. All the training was random. I still can't do the splits, I'm now an average student in the MMA school, and I've got way more responsibility than I want at my job. Sometimes I feel like I'm working hard on the wrong things. Or I'm just not working hard enough. I don't want to dream about training in a foreign place anymore. I want to actually do it. How?

Bitter sweet. That is how I feel about earning this white/blue belt. To me, it is still a white belt. It is a belt put in to say that, "You're almost there!". I earned it after taking part in American Top Team Savage's Rodrigo Gracie seminar. Three hours each day, Saturday and Sunday. As the seminar ended, they called names for belts to be promoted and I was surprised to here my name. "Johnny, who soon will be in Thailand", Eric called out. Bitter sweet fit the feeling of that moment perfectly. I have been struggling with my "relationship" with this gym for a while as most of the time I come home unhappy wanting to quit. Also, my plans for Thailand in January have been postponed indefinitely. I smiled and accepted the belt. At Grappler's Retreat, I realized part of my issue with the gym was my ego but another part was the many injuries and issues I've faced at this gym. Mostly my own ego. Impatience has caused me to lose sight of what I'm working for. Year one in Minnesota was all about earning as much money as possible. I did, and I worked grueling hours. Now I've worked my way out of that position into something more comfortable so I've switched my focus to training. Slowly, I go to class more and more. I lift more and more weights. And I run, more and more. You could call my second year in Minnesota "transition". The start of the third year approaches and I will compete in BJJ and Sanda. Training and experience are the currency I will accumulate next year. We learned a lot at the Seminar. Side Control windshield wiper choke, Side Control leg over head into Kimura choke, triangle choke from guard, triangle flip from guard, De La Rivera hip push, and guillotine chokes as well. That was just today alone. Rodrigo was a good teacher and in just a short amount of time he explained many details. While practicing, he would walk around correcting every single person. It was nice and it gave me a feeling similar to the Grappler's Retreat camp except that we learned a lot more moves, which is good or bad depending on who you ask. Just mixed feelings.

"You can dream a little dream or you can live a little dream I'd rather live it 'cause dreamers always chase but never get it" -Aesop Rock, "no rEgrets" When I told Stuart Cooper, former Tiger Muay Thai BJJ Coach, how much money I had saved up to live in Thailand; he replied, "Holy Shit, you don't need that much money to live in Thailand. You can live in Thailand cheap". His advice continues to run through my mind, as he is the second coach to say don't go to Tiger Muay Thai. Instead, he recommended Bangtao Muay Thai. Another thing he mentioned was that if I'm planning on long term stay in Thailand then any accommodations in Thailand will be cheaper than any "package" that the gyms will give you. As I sat on my desk today at work. I looked around at the office. I asked my boss if there was anything I could do as all my tasks were done. She said, "No" and it was okay if I just took a couple more walks on the floor. That is how most of my days are. Needless to say, I feel like I'm wasting time now. That's my Ted Talk for today.

This is it. This is the last day. We're going to have a "marathon" training session with Mason Fowler, hike, then eat and talk into the night. Ed, John and I are leaving around midnight to get to the airport, which means it will be a tiring trip home. This week has been healing for me. I'm sore, well fed, and rested. A feeling I haven't had in a long time. Mentally I've been challenged, trying to understand the world of BJJ and it's complex techniques. Also, trying to listen to others and understand how they got to be where they are at. Saying that, one of the best things for me was the chance to get away from so many people. And sleep. Looking at myself in the mirror here has made me realize I've aged quite a bit in the two years in Minnesota. Working, training, little sleep, bad habits, and poor schedule have been rough on me. More rest, more fun, and less stress are what I need. Training wise, I've been able to actually use some moves i've learned in ATT Savage during our rolling sessions. My time hasn't been a complete waste. I'll have to play around with these new concepts that Mason has taught us. As the last morning of the camp ends. My belly full from breakfast and belongings already packed away, I'm ready to train. Ready to soak up the last bit of knowledge I can. Lastly, I'm ready to go home. This beautiful camp has done much for me. Sure, I still have bad habits to squash but I think that this trip has helped me be reinvigorated. I have a list of things to do when I get home: Find a new gym. Buy a heavier kettlebell Plan my next trip Relax more Last Lessons To be honest, I'm having trouble remembering all that we learned today. One move was how to stay on your opponent's back by controlling their shoulders, hip escaping, and rolling them. The other move was escaping a body lock that was on you and then going into 50/50 for a heel hook. Even though I don't remember the details, training was amazing. So many talented people to learn from. Lucas even gave me advice on what to focus on as a beginner. Control, Movement, Escaping, Defending If I can do these things really well. My game will go to another level and submissions will open themselves up to me. Mason did a Q&A as well after the training session. One thing that he mentioned was how to train at different stages. He admitted that he goes through phases while training but in the beginning you should just focus on techniques, moves, and basics. Once you reach the purple, brown or black belt levels of training then it is time to add strength and conditioning. Shoot, he has a nutritionist, psychologist, and a personal training to help him. Something that he mentioned was "Wendler 531", a kind of training plan out there to build strength. I think I'll try it with kettlebells (if I can). Another thing I had to admit to myself was I need to go to class more. All the best people train 6-7 times a week. If I want to be the best, then I need to do the same. I'm starting late in age as well which means I need to put even more work in to get to competition level. For the remainder of this year, I need to have "Go to Class" as my training goal. Once I have the habit of going to class, then next year I can confidently go to competitions. Before, I was lying to myself. I'm not ready to fight, I'm not at competition level. It takes a lot to be a competitor. It is a commitment.

"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss My neck is sore, after learning chokes for three hours yesterday my trap muscles and neck have stiffened overnight. A few cuts line my knuckles and wrists. Elbows are scabbed up. Knees are red from mat burn. It has been a good time. Today is Friday, which is crazy as that means this triip is almost over. I've met new people and seen a whole new world that is out there. Hopefully, travel and training will continue to be apart of my journeys. November will be a continuation of my "Fall of Grappling" as I will be going to BJJ Globetrotter's Arizona training camp which will be very different to this camp. These high level grappler's have taught me a lot. What I love seeing is how passionate these people are about BJJ. They talk about sponsorships, tournaments, and travel. They've figured out how to make a living doing what they love. It is amazing. When I go home, I need to slow down and focus on a few of my goals. Flexibility Training Studying Three things. Not bothering with anything else for the next three months. Don't focus on being the best, don't focus on my own or other's ego. Just enjoy the progress. This trip has been such a mental cleanse for me. Such a nice place.

"I bring my own unique value to everyday." I'm sore today but after my morning Qi Gong practice I feel pretty good. Ron, the guy from the east coast, is trying to get people to do cold plunges in the rivers near the camp. While I'm here I just want to relax and train. Cold showers, hard training, and work are all awaiting me at home. Here, I just want to sleep, read, practice Qi Gong, and enjoy myself. One thought that has popped into my head throughout today was that I'm always surrounded by people. At work, I am talking and working with many people, at home I'm around my parents and grandma. On the phone my sister or girlfriend are calling me. Then, at the gym I'm around people as well. That might be one of the reasons I don't mind not talking a lot at this camp. No music. No computer. No phone. Just training and then the rest of the time is for relaxation. It's nice. Lessons Learned Today, Mason Fowler taught us a Rolling Defense for getting some one off of our back and transitioning to their close guard or to our Knee Shield. We also practiced a few chokes with and without the Gi. One was called the "Bow and Arrow" choke which seemed to work pretty well but was a bit difficult to get into. We also learned a triangle choke from the Bow and Arrow position.

"All it took was some sleep and food..." Morning Thoughts Last night I just needed to get some sleep. Today, my mind is much happier and less clouded than yesterday. More people showed up to the camp in the middle of the night. Two guys from Florida and a quiet girl. Today, I got to meet our breakfast chef named Jack. He is quite the character. This morning he prepared for us a great combination of omletes, potatoes, and bacon. Pretty good stuff. While we ate breakfast I found out that the two guys from Florida, Dave and John, are also brand spanking new to BJJ which helped relax my nerves a bit. As I sit here writing, I feel happy about coming here. Challenging myself by going to uncomfortable places, meeting new faces. I'm horrible at grappling and I haven't mentioned my other martial art experience because I feel there is no need to. Early in the morning I did find time to practice Ba Duan Jin. Both Shi Yan Lei's and Master Peng's versions. The relaxing atmosphere mixed in with the coastal air is really nice. For me, this Fall is a fall of grappling and change. October seminar, November BJJ trip, and possibly a Sanda tournament in December. All to get better at what I suck at. Lessons Learned Two men named Mason Fowler and Stuart Cooper are teaching us throughout the camp. Turns out that both of them are quite famous in the BJJ world as Mason just came back from competing in the ADCC tournament in Vegas. He told us that this week we will focus only on attacking and defending the back. We learned some tips for dealing with the turtle position and what grips to use when on someone's back as well as how to flip someone out of turtle position. We practiced all of this in and out of the Gi. Man, am I really out of my element here. Not just with the training but also with the kind of people here. Most here smoke weed, eat edibles, or take mushrooms. A couple had some earlier addictions to harder drugs. I don't mind that they do those things, it's just that their stories are all so crazy or exciting that I don't have much to add to the conversations. So I stay silent, just listening. Besides that, training is going well. Sometimes I think about home.