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  • Writer's pictureJohnny

I'm not Shaolin

“I went to sleep and I woke up dead

But I changed my mind and I want to live


You made it outta bed, task one, crossed off

Step 2, show them that you ain't gone be a rag doll

Stand up, backbone, strong enough to break falls”

-e-dubble, "Changed My Mind"

Year of the Tiger🐅

A year that is supposed to be my year. Yet, I feel I've struggled so much during these months. My chance to fight under the ATT Savage gym is gone. My kung fu forms are fading away due to me not practicing. My motivation to pursue martial arts is really dwindling. There are many reasons for that. Injuries, training troubles, some self realizations, ego, and more. If I wrote daily, like my website says, then I could probably reflect back on my thoughts more clearly. Even at the cool camps that I've been going to, the thought of quitting or giving up is very prevalent. And as these thoughts sneak into my brain, another thought rises up. I'm not Shaolin.

The thing that motivates me the most was how close I was to starting the journey of becoming a warrior monk. Leaving Maling, I shaved my head as a sign to keep going on this path. To remember what I was taught, and all that I learned. Coming to Minnesota, I was sharp. I kept training, did some tournaments, joined a gym and was noticed immediately. Work and training didn't agree for the longest time but I kept competing, kept training, kept saving money. All the training was random. I still can't do the splits, I'm now an average student in the MMA school, and I've got way more responsibility than I want at my job.

Sometimes I feel like I'm working hard on the wrong things. Or I'm just not working hard enough.

I don't want to dream about training in a foreign place anymore. I want to actually do it.


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