"Staying negative is easy, staying positive is difficult."
-Shi Yan Lei
Fear
This quote was in my mind all day yesterday. This whole trip I've wanted to just crawl back into my bed and sleep the week away. Why? Fear. I'm afraid to practice with new people and I'm definitely afraid to spar/roll with these people. Every white belt I've come across has absolutely destroyed me and some of these people have gotten their blue belt after one year.
I understand why. They've gone to class everyday and trained. They're training only BJJ and are focused. I always find excuses not to train, not to spar, not to go to class. I need to quit finding excuses.
My Motivation
My motivation for training is me knowing that I don't want to work in the factory forever, I'm just afraid of "putting all of my eggs in one basket". Going fully into just doing martial arts and personal training. If I want to do it, then I need to invest 100% of my time, money and energy into it.
Kung Fu still motivates me. Out of all the places I've traveled to this year, Shaolin Temple Europe has been my favorite. It helped me prepare physically and mentally for my first fight, and I was happier at the end of it. The forms, the challenge of the movements, and Kung Fu being you vs yourself are really things I like.
"Nobody else's jiujitsu matters, we're all on our own jiujitsu journey. It doesn't matter if it takes you five or twenty years to get a black belt. It doesn't matter if you get a black belt. What's important is what jiujitsu is to you."
-Charles Harriot, BJJ Globetrotters
Night Time Thoughts
This camp has been challenging. This week I have been living off of bread, water, eggs, yogurt, milk, peanut butter, and rice. Most classes that I have enjoyed here have been focusing on the fundamentals. I've even gone to a couple of the lectures to learn from higher level BJJ practitioners about things like competition and improving your own skills. During one of the lectures, I realized that I don't have to learn all of the moves in the world. I just need to get good at a few skills. This can apply to my Kung Fu as well. As much as I'd like to learn both Shaolin and Mei Hua Quan, maybe I just need to focus on what I learned at Maling. Keep training my forms and the drills that I know until I improve.
This camp is teaching me a lot. My fear. My worries. And I'm my own obstacle.
The Point
All of this is just apart of my journey to becoming a "warrior monk". It will be a long one. If I stick to it, it will be a fulfilling life. I am thankful for the opportunities that I have and for all of the challenges I face.
📿Johnny