As I ran today, I recalled a blog post that I had written before. In it I talked about a review I had read for Maling Shaolin Kung Fu School. It said, "Going to the Kung Fu School is a lot like college, you learn so much and challenge yourself while you're there but after you're left with the question of, 'What do I do with it?'". The cool fall breeze blew back at me as I continued to run with this thought in my head. My Fei Yue's slapped into the concrete of the side walk and suddenly an answer came to me, Kung Fu is now my compass.
On this long two year journey in Minnesota, I've lost focus quite a bit. I studied this, then went to practice a little bit of that. Then I'd get frustrated and go try something else. In my mind, going somewhere and training Kung Fu was always the goal. It's just that my actions and thoughts did not align. This year is quickly coming to an end. I embarrassingly reflect on all that I've done this year. Sure, I've done a lot but there is no rhyme or reason to my actions. I've done a lot of nothing. Just doing stuff to stay busy.
Yet, I keep saying I want to do kung fu. To be a "master". What ever that means.
I just feel like garbage most of the time.
Goals, Focus, Consistency
Even with feeling like garbage, I still have goals.
The splits, to be strong, to learn a lot. I think now my greatest goal is just to be happy with what I'm doing. Even if it is simply practicing forms all by myself. So, I have my goals. Now I need to develop the focus to work on them and then do it every day to get consistent. Build a structure in my life, and follow it. That sounds nice.
Hope you all are having a happy Halloween.