"Three Hours of Sleep. Empty Streets. Donut Holes and a Sandwich. Tiny Planes Full of Sick People. Arrival to the Smallest Airport I've Ever Seen." The Airport It is amazing what good sleep can do for the mind. Reflecting on the thoughts that go through my mind on the airplane. I don't even know where to start. As I munch upon salty calamari, I sit in a small, disorganized airport hiding my bald head from the bright sun. The plane dropped us off on the runway and I was guided through construction to the "baggage claim" tent. After a short wait a truck with two low paid workers began throwing our bags onto the floor. People scrambled to grab their bags before other luggage buried theirs. Crazy. After hastily grabbing my bag, I took notice of my surroundings. Bright blue sky, large complex clouds, and a green mountain ridge were all around me. A growling stomach led me to the airport's overpriced restaurant that nests nicely in the middle of all the construction. What weighed heavily on my mind was figuring out how I can be happier while working towards my goal. I knew I had to change something but I wasn't sure what. The quote on the cover of my journal helped me ponder. "Gratitude turns what we have into enough" Just the day to day grind and constant waiting for things to fall into place eats at my mind. My new job is great and pleasant but it is not what I want to do forever. In my prayers I just hope that all of this work leads to a happier future for my family, friends, and girlfriend. Hopefully one day I can pay them back properly for all that they've done for me. The Romanian One of the other campers picked me up at Santa Rosa as he was driving from San Francisco. His white BMW pulled up and I sat shot gun next to him. His name was Adrian and he spoke with a slight accent which made me question where he was from. As he drove along the coast I learned about Adrian's story. Hailing from Romania, his mother (and some personal experiences) ended up convincing him to come to California to live. His stories were interesting and I was surprised to learn he was already a purple belt after two years. Made me feel a little nervous as to what kind of people were coming to the camp. As we arrived into the small town of Mendocino, I didn't feel well about coming here. We slowly were introduced to others that were at the camp. Blue belts, purple belts, an MMA fighter, and other practitioners with 10+ years experience. My mind was enveloped with a cloud of negativeness. What am I doing here? Besides my clouded thoughts, the camp itself was beautiful and quiet. Hidden away in the red wood forest was a club house, dojo, wash house, and guest house. One thing I was surprised was there is internet here. I had already let my friends and family know that I wouldn't have any connection here so I think I'll leave it at that. Challenge myself to meet new people and see how my mind changes. How will I feel without it?

Aftermath Laying down comfortably in my bed, my mind races with thoughts. Muscles ache, bruises tender to the touch, and neck stiff as ever. Thoughts about last weekend's tournament flood my brain. It's odd to be at peace after such a hectic weekend. The one thought running strongest in my brain is now I can say that I've fought. Not just once, but twice! They were quick, sloppy fights but I learned so much in so little time. It's the first time that I feel like the "warrior" part of "warrior monk". My first fight, I just went out with power. Not thinking much, just doing and living in the moment. I did okay, but lost in two rounds. For my second fight, I used my brain and power. I kicked more, grabbed more, punched more, and did more. I won in two rounds, but in the moment I had thought I lost. It was only through my dad that I knew what was going on. Leaving the Lei Tai, I have no regrets. I believe I did the best that I could. All of this weekend was another step to keep me motivated. To keep training, keep fighting, keep trying. I won once and lost once, I think that shows that I have a small amount of skill. Even though it is small, its still skill. With this motivation, also came understanding. Now I realize why we do conditioning, why we train basics, why we run, why we do what we do. It all has a purpose. That is where the other parts of the martial art come into play. I'm using medicine oils to see if they work on my bruises, eating and drinking a lot to help recovery, and moving around. Later today I will do some Qi Gong to help stretch the sore tendons. I'm just going to relax the day away. Hope you are having a good weekend. 📿Johnny

A Long Walk Yesterday, my mom, niece, and I went on a walk at Three Rivers Carver Park Reserve. At first we weren't sure if there were any good trails but eventually we found the main trail which lead through a great meadow of yellow and purple flowers connected by tall green grasses. It was a pretty peaceful day and I got to try out my camera in new situations. I'm surprised that recently I've been mostly using the 45-150mm lens by Panasonic. It is a cheaper lens that isn't as sharp as my other lenses, but whenever I hike it is the lens that I use. Hopefully I can keep improving my photography and eventually my video taking skills. Tournament Anticipation Today when I woke up, I was nervous about the upcoming tournament. For the performances, I'm not as nervous because its just a performance. Forms that I've practiced many times over. Fighting, is something I've never done. Sparring, I've done but I haven't performed well this year. That is one reason that I'm doing this fight. To test myself. See if I have "real kung fu". The more that I think about it, I also think that I'm doing this fight to see if it is something that I want/ am able to. Hopefully it'll all go well. 📿Johnny

"The five hindrances are desire, anger, stupor and sleep, restlessness and worry, and doubt. These all hinder the development of wholesomeness and the practice of meditation and wisdom." -The Way to Buddhahood, pg 160 Progress Time It is crazy to think that at before Maling I was 71 kg (158 lbs), then at Maling I was 64-65 kg (140-145 lbs). Now, I'm 75 kg (165 lbs) and it does feel different. I'm not as fast or as agile but I definitely am getting stronger. The reason I'm doing this comparison early is because after my workout today I felt pretty good. Training at the MMA gym yesterday left me in a bad mood but training on my own left me feeling great. I'm low on sleep, hungry as ever, but was still able to get a good training session in the morning. Motivation is a fickle thing, but all of the difficult reading, working, and training that I'm doing keeps me disciplined to keep going even when I hate it. I may hate my job and hate the gym that I'm at now, but my disciplined mind keeps me working towards some sort of progress. "If one investigates and ponders an object that one perceives, one is practicing contemplation; if one focuses on the object and collects the mind, concentrating on staying on the object, then one is practicing meditation... To overcome the two primary obstacles of meditation - desire and scatteredness- and to build the right concentration, the two methods described above [contemplation of human impurity and controlled breathing] are definitely effective and safe." -The Way to Buddhahood, pg. 162 Reading and Rediscovering I can't even explain what I've been reading in "The Way to Buddhahood" as I don't understand what I'm reading. Lots of talk about understanding dependent origination and cause and effect. I don't know, it's all a little confusing. I did pick up a new copy of the Dao De Jing and "Living Buddha, Living Christ" which is what I plan on reading after "The Way to Buddhahood". Not only has my reading continued, but I am reviewing the ol' rope dart again. I thought it was time to dust off the weapon that has been hanging on my door since I returned from China. Needless to say, my mind forgot the moves but my body did not. I even learned a couple new moves off of a video that I watched. I'm exhausted but happy. Also, I have a tournament this weekend! Tired but blessed. 📿Johnny "Do Good, No Evil, Pure Mind" -Shaolin Mantra

"In every action in life one should know what one is doing." -The Way to Buddhahood, pg. 156 This book really challenges what I am accustomed to thinking because it is very, very, different from the way I live my life. Each little chapter or passage delves deeper into ideas previously introduced. More explanations on the precepts, meditation, and rules for various levels of... not monks... more like "people on the path". Monks is obviously one level. Which is where I struggle with the whole "middle path" idea behind this type of Buddhism. From what I understand from this book, is that to be on the middle path you have to make some extreme changes. Today's reading focused on Meditation and deepening your study of it. The basic way to do that, according to the book, is to follow the precepts. Apparently, by following the precepts you are given a better mind, healthier body, clearer conscious, and more focus. This focus then can be used in meditation. Without this healthy body and clear mind, meditation will be quite difficult. Which brings me to a problem that I've mentioned before. Ever since I got back from Maling, I have had a struggle meditating. That's not to say in Maling, I didn't have struggles. I did. But, upon returning to the "real world" the struggles have amplified by quite a lot. Maybe there is something to it. But I'm still not sure about all of the other extreme rules in there. 📿Johnny Post Title Inspiration

"Therefore, the Buddha firmly pointed out that to stop the great suffering of birth and death, confusion... should be eliminated." -The Way to Buddhahood, pg. 138 It all began with me reading quite a bit of "The Way to Buddhahood". I began stretching but the passages that I read really had my mind going. Most of what I read was about the cycle of suffering or the cycle of birth and death. Like, how does the cycle keep repeating itself and what are we supposed to do to stop it. There was a little bit more about the idea of the self not existing but... I need to reread it again in order to understand it. Self Enlightenment ~ 無師独悟 While the thoughts racked through my brain, I began stretching which made me think of Shaolin. So I looked up the Shaolin Lineage Poem, from there I found out the past abbot who wrote it. While reading about him I read an interesting page about an Indian Monk who started the Shaolin Temple, named Batuo, before Bodhidharma ever arrived. The thing that always gets me about the Bodhidharma story is that he didn't bring Kung Fu to the monks. He gave the monks Yi Jin Jing and Xi Sui Jing. What I found interesting about my new readings was that Batuo actually had two disciples, both were military generals, which means that Shaolin was introduced to martial arts before Bodhidharma. The temple probably didn't train or adopt anything from the two generals but it was still there. From there I ended up reading about all the different kinds of Buddhism. Good lord, its just as complicated as all the different kinds of Christianity out there. So many different rules, so many different texts. It seems too complicated, almost too complicated. Then, I end up reading about the idea of self enlightenment which is interesting to me as, from what I read, it can happen but a lot of masters don't give much credit to those that claim this. I don't know, it all seems so confusing. 📿Johnny Written on Wednesday Night

"In order to accommodate those who wanted to continue life's pleasures, the Buddha allowed disciples to remain laypeople... Although they lived as laity, they practiced Buddha's true Dharma, taking refuge in the Three Treasures, keeping the five precepts, practicing meditation, and attaining wisdom... they were still able to become liberated from birth and death." -The Way to Buddhahood, pg. 111 Monday I'm a bit off schedule for posting but I still wanted to do it. Monday flew by. I remember coming home, taking a shower, eating some food, watching some videos then sleeping. After waking up, I did some research into Shaolin staff on my computer then went to MMA class early. Once I got home it was time to eat. Next thing I know it's 10:00 pm. Crazy how the time just flew by. Edited: Everything written before was on Monday, Everything written after was on Tuesday. Tuesday Last night (Tuesday Morning), I spent a lot of time training and reading. You could say that yesterday was day one of returning to side splits training. Today will be day two. Right now I'm just trying to get in the habit of attempting the splits daily. After the tournament passes, I will then focus on getting deeper into the splits. For my reading, I continued to plow through "The Way to Buddhahood". As hard of a read it is, there are some gems amongst all the foreign terms. Today's reading really focused on what causes suffering. For this book, there are many things. The five grasping aggregates, the six senses, and the six consciousnesses. They say things like our thoughts, perceptions, sensations, and consciousness react to things that we are attached to. Even our own instinctual senses "betray" us, smell, sight, taste etc. Donuts and Attachment So it seems that part of the Buddhist training would be learning to control the reaction to things and then eventually become unattached to things that "control" us. When you use the phrase unattached, people think of having no emotion or being like a robot. For my understanding, I use donuts. Imagine a table of donuts at a party. There are some people who will see the donuts, eat one, enjoy it, and then be done. There are others who see the donuts, acknowledge that they are/look good. But that's it, maybe they're not hungry. Then there are others who see the donuts, immediately go to them, eat one, want another, eat another etc. Each of these people show a different level of attachment to the donut, but you wouldn't call the first or second one a robot even though they are more detached from it than the third person. If that makes sense. Soul and Self To be honest, most of what I've read would go hand in hand with Christianity and other religions. Be good to people. Don't kill or steal. Follow these rules. But the one thing that I don't understand about Buddhism is their idea of no self. During my reading it only mentioned this idea but didn't explain it. Buddhists believe that there is a temporary body and a temporary mind but there is no soul or self. I understand that nothing is ours including our own body. This I can accept. I just don't understand how there isn't a self. If the mind and body are temporary, then what is it that goes to the heavens, what is it that gets enlightened, what is it that goes through different lives (according to the buddhist thought)? I'll keep reading, maybe I'll find out. 📿Johnny

Brain Fog ~ 头脑迟钝 Last night work went by smoothly. No problems, no anger, just an easy day. As I now think back, I really wasn't very aware or conscious of what I was doing. It was like my mind shut off and I ran on impulse this day. By the end of it I was still just as exhausted as I was before but I feel like I did nothing productive. I hate this robotic feeling. My mind doesn't even day dream anymore. The excitement about my "plan" isn't there. While driving home, my brain slowly starts to turn on. The most recent idea that has crept into my head is living, studying, and possibly working in Thailand longer than I originally planned. The more I read about visas, prices, and remote jobs in Thailand; the more of a possibility it seems. I could train and study a new language while I wait for China to open back up. Train and learn the language for the first year. If China still isn't opened up then maybe train and work for the second year while studying only part time? I don't know. Just thoughts. 📿Johnny

New Job ~ 新工作 Well, after an exhausting 12 hour shift I went home grumpy and quickly fell asleep. This makes me realize why I felt so exhausted and unfocused before. These hours of work and the horrible schedule are hard on my mind. So, I was happy to hear that I got approved to move to first shift for a QA role. Better pay. Better hours. Hopefully a happier time too. The only thing that I don't feel happy about is that I really am feeling stuck here. I don't want to at this company for 3-4+ years. I'm supposed to be saving money to get out of here, but it doesn't feel like I'm getting any closer to getting out. Just a short post today. Time to get ready for work. 📿Johnny

Keeping My Focus Post on Instagram. Edit Photos. Write on the Blog. Train. These are the habits that I'm trying to build. I'd like to throw study into there as well, but I'm going to finish out July just focusing on these. I know I already wrote about this, but its still in my mind. The way Shi Heng Yi explained on how to work towards a thing that you want is very direct. 30, 60, 90, or 365 days of complete devotion to one thing. That is how I'm working towards my blogging and Instagram posts. I've heard before that 60 days is a way to build a good habit, so maybe I need to keep blogging and posting into August as well. Using what the masters said has let me have a clearer mind throughout my days. For training, I'm focused on only tournament stuff. For work, I'm focused on just showing up each day. For studying... well there is no studying. Not yet. It is hard to keep this kind of focus, but I'm more aware when distractions enter my mind. Which helps me "control" where my thoughts/focus go. Meditation ~ 坐禅 "Practicing meditation means to regulate and concentrate on three things. [Body, Mind, Breath] To have one's mind focused in one state is called concentration. Suffering and pleasure will successively cease." -The Way to Buddhahood, pg 95 As simple as meditation seems, I've really struggled to build the habit back at home. Right now I normally do it once or twice a week for not very long. The reason I'm talking about this now is that is what I'm reading about in "The Way to Buddhahood". I'm glad to see that this book doesn't talk about meditation as a way to relax or calm yourself (which it can do) but talks about it as a method to develop concentration. In my previous blog, I learned a lot about meditation from Masters Ning, Yan, Peng and Bao. Which gave me so much clarity at the time and helped guide me to a better, deeper meditation. Their ideas were similar to what was presented in the book. Relaxation and calm feelings are simply a side effect of making progress in your meditation. If you focus too much on this relaxation feeling, you'll fall asleep. Different masters have different steps, but eventually your concentration and awareness slowly grows. You start with being aware of yourself, and then expand outward to your environment. Eventually, you reach a higher/indescribable state of awareness or even enlightenment. The first time that I tried meditation was not at my sister's house. It was when I lived in Missouri, when my dad introduced me to Stephen K. Hayes' books on ninjas. In one of the books it introduces you to different hand symbols, mantras, and meditation to develop certain kinds of concentration. So I dressed up in my ninja suit, went to the top of our tiny hill, and began to practice what I had read. A light rain started to fall, but I kept at it. I had some kind of awareness at that point as I remember hearing my dad walking quietly towards me, way before he was close to me. I haven't thought about that story in a while. Enjoy your weekend. 📿Johnny

A Short Walk ~ 远足 I didn't finish my breakfast today and I don't have much to write about today. The day to day adventure of mine isn't that interesting. My dad and I did go on a walk through the woods yesterday. That was a lot of fun. The woods were filled with fallen over or bent trees. The ground was a strange combination of dried cracked earth with spots of soft, squishy mud. Frogs, cat fish, squirrels, birds, and deer all moved about around us. We even saw many mountain bikers riding through quickly on the trails. We ended up following a small river in the search of some ducks. My dad spotted two but they saw us first and began to fly further down stream. We continued to track them for a while but decided to just head back home, the ducks were better than our stealth. The walk was enjoyable and it taught me what kind of lens I'd need for a hiking trip like that. Definitely a zoom lens. I had my 25mm and 45-150mm lenses on me. The 25mm lens was on my camera in the beginning but I quickly switched to the 45-150mm. Also, waterproofing is a must as I can't tell you how nervous I was crossing logs over the stream. Every step was slow and methodical so that nothing would fall into the algae covered water below. That is one more thing: a quick camera bag. Something that securely holds my one or two lenses and filters. That way I'm not always checking my pockets. A short but worth while trip. Mindfulness ~ 正念 "One should not be attached to sensual pleasures. One should not be scattered and confused, for this brings all kinds of suffering. One should be kind and persistent in keeping the pure precepts and have conviction that practicing meditation is most blissful." -The Way to Buddhahood, pg. 93 Mindfulness is very hard to keep. A thought I had yesterday is mindfulness isn't living impulsively. To live without thought or just following your impulses isn't being mindful. Being mindful is being aware of every action that you make. Being conscious of why you are doing what you are doing. This requires strong concentration, which ends up building good habits. As I read more into "The Way to Buddhahood", I'm coming across what the various precepts are. There are different sets of precepts for different kinds of people. Laypeople (or "normal people") simply have 5 precepts to follow. They can, on certain days or holidays, keep an extended set of precepts. For monks, there are 10 precepts to follow. 📿Do not kill 📿Do not steal 📿Do not engage in improper sexual conduct 📿Do not make false statements 📿Do not drink alcohol (Or do not consume any intoxicant) These are very similar to the ten commandments of Christianity. The precepts for being a monk get very specific and difficult. I'm not sure how one is able to keep them all. I see how that would be able to change you completely. No "frivolous talk", not having anger, greed or deviant views. No lying, gossip (which is different from frivolous talk), or offensive language. How do they do it? I can see how in a temple you can, but in the outside, day to day life. How? Even the no killing applies to all living beings. Even mosquitos? Hope you all have a good week. 📿Johnny

Self Discipline ~ 自律 Yesterday, I forced myself to go to MMA class at American Top Team Savage. For the first hour I just worked on my own technique, trying to remember some of the Sanda moves that Shi Yan Lei had taught. The second hour was striking sparring with the usual crew. During one round, I got kicked in the jaw which sent me to the floor. It was just a well timed shot and the guy said sorry. During another round I got clipped in the same spot and it sent me down again. Pretty soon after that I left. I've been back at class for two days now and I haven't enjoyed either day. The thing that I've been wrestling with the whole time I've gone to this place is: is it the place or just me? Now that I've been to the summer camp and have come back I think it is the gym. It is not enjoyable for me as I immediately felt this way coming back. The thing that is me is just having a glass jaw. That's just unlucky. Focus ~ 专注于训练 As I read through the posts that I've written from my time back, I can see that I'm slowly getting away from the positive changes that I've made. These "anchors" of writing a post, editing a photo, and making something on Instagram have been great ways to remind myself of what is important to me. Practicing Kung Fu. Photography. Study. These are all important. Not YouTube, laying in bed, or work. I have to be more conscious of my actions throughout the day so that I can keep making progress. Besides that MMA class, June and July have been pretty good months. 📿Johnny