All of my pay stubs say that this year I've been working 100+ hrs each pay period (2 weeks). Last year, I was hitting 60-90 hours each pay period. Somehow, this year I'm working more while doing more. I've started to go to class regularly again. Sparring, rolling, training. I'm back into a kettlebell routine as well. My chaotic life is slowly finding a balance... with some sacrifices.
I'm not able to "play". I rarely have time to paint anymore or do game sessions with my dad or friends. Usually a deviation from the schedule I've got wrecks my mind and body. But, I'm getting better at going right back to my routine. So I'm doing all of this for a reason right? Normally, I'd go on a rant about my plan and what it is. I'd beat the dead horse some more, saying what I'll do in order to achieve this goal. Stepping back from the foul smelling corpse that is my plan, I don't think there is a plan anymore. It's just been me beating the ground, making myself exhausted.
Of course, I still have things I want to do. (Lots of things) Those hundreds of hours into my job, the many months that have past by in a blur due to work, injury, sadness, and exhaustion; all make me wonder if the way I'm achieving my goal is worth it?
Let's remind ourselves of what my goal is:
To become a Warrior Monk
To be a fighter (Compete in Thailand and the USA)
To go to college abroad (to see a new culture, learn a new language)
Open my own gym/dojo/temple (Once I'm ready to settle down)
Those are my goals simplified. There are many other small things I want to do in life but the ones listed above are the "BIG ONES".
The difficulties I'm facing on the road to these goals are mostly in my head, so I don't really talk about them much. There are other boring challenges like work and health that I don't think people would be bothered to read so I don't write those either.
Just wanted to pop in and say that the jounrey is still going. I've just hit some bumps in the road that need to be gone over.
-Johnny