I missed my morning post but...

...I am able to write in the evening because I feel like I should. Right now is Sunday at 9:11 pm and as I've said before I usually sleep in on Sundays to spend time with family. So today I did that. In the morning I was able to play video games by myself and clean up my room and the kitchen. I said I would study Chinese today but I didn't. I feel like I should have but you know the saying, "could'a would'a should'a", so now I'm spending my night trying to lose too much of my schedule. I don't really know what happened today, I spent a lot of my afternoon and evening with my parents going to this Christmas thing then a restaurant for lunch. Once we got home my mom started to bake a lot of things while my dad and I watched westerns and played EFL. The night ended with us ordering some poor quality burgers and fries to the house while we watched a Christmas movie. Not a bad day.

Breakfast: Left over pasta, strawberries and protein shake.
Since I didn't get to post about my breakfast here it is: left over plain pasta with butter melted in it and topped with salt and pepper, some plain washed strawberries, and a protein shake. A seemingly small breakfast compared to normal but after not working out Saturday this is able to fill me up plenty.

Today, a lot of my thoughts have been about how I've felt recently. No one reads this anyways but I feel like a human tool. My parents, my friends, my family and others. I just feel like a tool for them, I'm always being put somewhere to do something but no one cares about how I feel about it. Just today my parents were talking about bringing my grandma to China or Germany and they just planned for me to go and watch her house for 7-10 days. No questions asked, I'd just go and do it. My friends from many states I feel just use me for money or as a bodyguard but I feel I get nothing in return but I do it knowing I won't so I guess its my fault... I realize this as I type it. Like my friends used to say what would they do if they got in trouble or in a fight and the answer was always ditch me. At first it was a funny joke but after a few times saying it I realized that it became a serious answer, and that I'd be alone if something were to happen. The good that has come out of this is that most people trust me because they know what I say is what I mean. I guess I'll take people trusting me over not being a tool every time because people give some respect to the loyal or honest person.

Eh, in a year my thoughts will change. Going over my old journals and writings my thoughts were always changing based off of where I was and what I was doing but it is interesting to see what has stayed the same. People change, we evolve, we figure out what we like and don't like but there are things that stay with us that build who we are.


"I think people should be more honest towards each other."

(I listened to: iMonster, DAX, Hopsin and Lucid Dreams while writing this) 


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